


Petals From The Moon

by pretentious_git



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged Up, Angst, Future Fic, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, daycare AU, hahahah this was supposed to be short, hanahaki, relationship drama, tsukki is...someone's cousin, ugh where is my control, yamaguchi is a daycare assistant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 11:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretentious_git/pseuds/pretentious_git
Summary: Tsukishima had left Yamaguchi's life years ago, leaving him to deal with adulthood surrounded by petals that reminded him of his lost and unrequited love. Now working in a daycare, life decided to toss Tsukishima back into his life. But after what must've been the hardest rejection Yamaguchi had ever encountered, is he just going to let his old best friend come back to him like nothing happened? Plus, really...the petals were just way too much! [Hanahaki Disease]





	Petals From The Moon

**Author's Note:**

> !! I'm back~ and with a craving for Tsukiyama so I indulged myself. Once again, this fic didn't really have a prompt other than 'Hanahaki Disease' and I wanted to take a whack at trying to write primarily angst, or at least kind of sad. If the pacing seems a bit off towards the end, it's because I honestly wanted this to be a 4-5k fic.... *looks at the 7k words on the screen* 
> 
> Check out my Tsukiyama long fic, **Moonlight Station!**

Yamaguchi stared at the tiny petal in his hands, feeling his body start to shake as his vision began to swim. Trembling fingers crushed the small burst of silver as he dropped his arm, focusing on the sink in front of him.

He could still feel it in his stomach – that rancid sensation of wanting to throw up everything that he ate today. But he knew what would come out wouldn’t be bile, though it would still be just as sickening.

The first petal lay crumpled in the trash from where he discarded it. The rest of them, still uncrushed, were shoved in a bag. He couldn’t bring himself to toss them out just yet because their colour reminded him of the moon at its highest peak in the night.

Rushing out of the bathroom after repeatedly washing his face, his footsteps stumbled to a stop when he almost passed by the photos that lines the hallway wall. Yamaguchi didn’t even have to look to see which photo was the one that made him stop – he knew it far too well. Two young faces, barely into their teenage years were pressed up together to fit into a camera frame that they thought wasn’t big enough to capture their whole faces at the time. One freckled cheek smushed against a pale one. One massive smile, the other, slightly embarrassed but genuine. Blue glasses with a dinosaur design printed on the sides was perched against a familiar nose, a familiar face, a familiar person.

Yamaguchi walked away quickly as his stomach began to churn once more.   
\--------

Priding himself in being _relatively_ passive of a person, Yamaguchi tried not to lose his cool when the child in front of him held out his shirt that was absolutely covered in mud and dirt. Blessedly in an apron to guard off any unwanted stains, the daycare assistant dropped into a crouch, frowning at the boy who looked both a mixture of prideful and guilty. He was probably happy he was able to completely wreck himself _again_ , only ten minutes after they had snack time and had washed up.

“Itsuki,” Yamaguchi said in a calm, yet tired voice. “What on earth did you do this time?”

The boy pouted, crossing his arms high up on his chest so that his bare skin didn’t press against the mud on his shirt. _Smart kid_ , Yamaguchi thought absently, _sometimes_.

“I was playing by the garden,” Itsuki answered, and that was obvious enough. “But Hana-chan tripped me so I fell.” He then whipped around and pointed his arm straight at a little girl who was peeking curiously over at their conversation. At being sighted, she audibly peeped and scurried away. “ _It’s all your fault Hana-chan!_ ” Itsuki cried out and Yamaguchi could only hold back a chuckle.

“I see. Okay. Well, let’s get you cleaned up and changed into your extra shirt, alright? Your mom is coming to pick you up soon and I don’t think she wants to see you like that.”

Itsuki nodded vehemently and was about to turn and skip to the bathroom before he paused, spinning back to Yamaguchi who looked at him in surprise. “Oh! Ya-san,” he said, using an incredibly easy nickname that all the children had immediately taken onto Yamaguchi. “You gotta ask me _why_ I was playing in the garden!”

Confused and more than just a little intrigued, Yamaguchi bent down again, resting his arms on his knees. “Alright, why were you playing in the garden, Itsuki?”

Wearing a proud expression, Itsuki pulled one of his hands from behind his back. Yamaguchi had noticed that he had been keeping it closed during their conversation. Now he opened it, revealing a crumpled-yet-intact flower in his palm. It looked like it had been delicately (as delicately as a five-year-old could, anyway) pulled from its stem. While Yamaguchi was used to the children bringing him random gifts from the playground, this one took his breath away and made his chest clench uncomfortably. “Itsuki…how did you-“

“This is Ya-san’s favourite flower, isn’t it?”

Yamaguchi felt his stomach twist.

“I saw Ya-san had a bag in his backpack with petals that looked like this! So when I saw it in the garden I wanted to give it to you so you can put it in your bag too!”

Trying with all his might not to show his trembling fingers, he reached out to gently touch the edges of the flower, feeling both a surge of gratitude and affection towards Itsuki and also wanting to die a little. He picked up the flower, much to Itsuki’s happiness. “I love it,” he said quietly, giving him a warm smile as he cradled the dying bloom in his hands. “Thank you so much.”

The young boy flushed at the heartfelt thanks and he dipped his head quickly. “You’re welcome, Ya-san!” He practically shouted before turning and racing to the bathroom.

Straightening up, Yamaguchi turned away from the multitude of children playing around unless he accidentally broke down in front of them. He wanted to crush the flower in his hands, the whole symbol of his heartache, but he couldn’t bring himself to destroy a gift from a student, no matter the meaning. Instead, he quickly grabbed his backpack, glancing around to make sure he didn’t have any other spies like Itsuki had been, before shoving the flower into the bag of silver-grey iridescent petals. To see a fully intact bloom amongst the singular petals only made Yamaguchi’s mouth fill with a sour taste. _Mocking me,_ he thought as he turned to go back and help Itsuki. _Mocking me for showing me completely what I can’t have._

\------

 _“Itsuki’s mother is not here to pick him up today so a relative will,”_ said Yamaguchi’s coworker on the phone as he held it to his shoulder while helping children put on their backpacks. He counted heads while half-listening.

“Alright!” He chirped, both to himself at having all the children by the door and to his coworker at the front desk. “Thank you, Miya-san.” He hung up while herding his lot to the doorway where various parents were out, waiting. “Alright kiddos, you know what to do if mom or dad isn’t here yet,” he said, reminding them to come straight back into the room instead of wandering around and looking. Like bees, they all shot out of the door with shrieks of greeting.

Itsuki, in a new shirt and without a speck of mud anywhere, hovered by the doorway with his lip between his teeth, eyes seeking out his absent mother. Yamaguchi placed a hand on his head. “Mom’s not coming today,” he said. “But someone else will, is that okay?”

Acting as brave as possible, Itsuki nodded. “Maybe it’ll be Ki-ni.”

“Who’s that?” Yamaguchi asked, eyes on the crowd before him to make sure his kids were going to the right parents.

“My older cousin,” Itsuki replied, before straightening up next to him and visibly brightening. “I was right! Look Ya-san, it’s Ki-ni!”

And when Yamaguchi looked up to see the foreign figure walk through the door of the day care, he realized that one, the person was unfortunately not so foreign, and two, Itsuki really had to learn how to say names properly, because apparently he had meant to say _Kei-ni._

The flower petals in Yamaguchi’s backpack suddenly felt heavier than they ever did before in his life.

“T-Tsukki-Tsukishima!” Yamaguchi stammered, unsure what to say or even how to say it. In fact, the taller man looked a bit startled at the use of his full name falling from his lips and the daycare assistant wanted to be swallowed by a black whole. Itsuki sprinted towards his older cousin, wrapping his arms around the slender frame of the blond young man.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said in equal surprise, although his face did relax into the faint smile that Yamaguchi had always remembered seeing when they used to hang out. It hurt him to see it once more but he squashed the feeling of bile rising in his throat. He knew that what would come out would only be silver petals. “Long time no see. I didn’t know you worked here.”

Chuckling awkwardly, the assistant shoved his hands in his pockets, fiddling with the insides nervously. “Well, yeah, I live here and love kids so it’s not like I’m incapable of picking up a job.” _Shit_ , he thought biting the inside of his cheek. He had said that crassly and with a hint of sarcasm. He didn’t mean to respond rudely to Tsukishima, but the years of hurt bubbled inside of him, leaking out in that one sentence. Something flickered in Tsukishima’s eyes but the stoic man simply nodded.

“Right, I never said you weren’t. You’ve always been better at me in taking initiative anyway.”

 _What’s this?!_ Yamaguchi’s internal monologue screamed. _You can’t say things like this! Not after all this time and not so friendly like that!_

“Haha…Right,” the assistant muttered, fists clenching in his pockets not just to ground himself but also to focus on anything but the gross feeling in his stomach. “Well, I didn’t know Itsuki was your cousin,” he said, eyeing the small boy that was practically latched onto Tsukishima’s leg. It would’ve been endearing if it didn’t remind Yamaguchi of the way he and Tsukishima used to be joined at the hip that same way many years before. _Shut the hell up, Tadashi_ , he internally scolded himself. _Getting jealous over a child? Immature._

“Yeah,” Tsukishima said, placing a hand on Itsuki’s head. “I live around the area now since his parents got really busy with work and I was the closest relative around. I have a job too.”

Silence filled the air when Yamaguchi didn’t bother to give that a reply. What was he supposed to feel after learning that Tsukishima had been around him for so long? Was he supposed to be happy now that the source of all his frustrations, aggravations and fucking _petals_ was now closer than before? And after such an incident that had happened back then?

In fact, the one question that pounded around in Yamaguchi’s head, begging to be screamed, was _why was Tsukishima acting so calmly?_

“Well,” the tall one muttered, obviously catching on that Yamaguchi probably had a constipated look on his face and wanted to be anywhere but there. “It was nice to see you again Tadashi,” he said in a quiet voice, as if he were treading in areas he wasn’t allowed to be in.

And he _wasn’t_.

Hearing his name spoken like that made Yamaguchi’s chest constrict and he immediately turned around to grab the handle of their daycare room. “Me too,” he said in what he prayed was a composed voice. “I’m gonna finish cleaning up and locking up so I’ll see you around, Tsukishima.”

There it was again. That awful tasting name that felt so foreign on his tongue. It yearned to be cut short but Yamaguchi couldn’t bring himself to even _feel_ normal around the other man anymore.

He fumbled a bit with the key to unlock the already-locked door and he could hear Itsuki pulling his older cousin away after having stood there for so long. “Ya-san is cleaning again!” Itsuki said in a sort of wondrous voice and Yamaguchi sighed at his excuse being blown. _Whatever. It was obvious I didn’t want to talk to him._

“He just wants to make sure everything is really clean for tomorrow,” Tsukishima replied in a fading voice as they left.

“Ohhh! Hey, Ki-ni, I got muddy today!”

\------

He always smelled like flowers, people would tell him. Because of that, he was either teased playfully for using feminine perfume or given a look that said that the person understood why he smelled like flowers. The kids at the daycare loved it, never questioning it and enjoying the hugs that he gave them, so Yamaguchi didn’t mind too much. But when he gently pulled the bloom that Itsuki gave to him from his backpack, he sighed quietly, flashbacks bombarding him.

_“Hey, Tsukki,” a highschool-aged Yamaguchi said, catching up to his best friend and immediately linking their arms together. It was dusk and they were headed back from a volleyball practice that ran late. “Do you wanna come over tonight? Mom made katsudon!”_

_“Can’t,” the stoic boy said, pulling down his earphones so that he could listen to his friend properly. “I’m busy with the family.”_

_Yamaguchi pouted, squeezing the other’s arm a bit closer. Over the three years, the distance between them had decreased to the point where they were almost always pressed against each other’s sides. Yamaguchi would hold Tsukishima’s arm, or Tsukishima would throw an arm over the other’s shoulder. Sometimes on movie nights they’d do what was arguably cuddling._

_He knew that there was_ something _there. Yamaguchi just needed to find the right time to bring it up and make it official. Plus, he had no issues falling in love with his best friend, especially when it was clearly obvious that his best friend must’ve truly liked him in return._

_“You’ve been really busy lately!” Yamaguchi whined, pushing onto Tsukishima and making them stagger sideways. The other spluttered at the abrupt action._

_“Yamaguchi!” He snapped, before sighing and adjusting his glasses. “There’s just a lot of stuff we’ve been doing lately. It’s…complicated.”_

_The frown simply deepened and Yamaguchi’s curiosity grew. He knew that Tsukishima had been holed up at home outside of school and practice but now it was getting too much._ He _wanted attention too, practically being his best-friend’s partner. Wasn’t that how any relationship worked? Two-way acknowledgement? “Can’t you just drop by for a little bit? It’s like I only ever see you in school and I know once we get to college we’ll just see each other in the room but we’ll have different classes so maybe our schedules won’t really line-“_

_“I’m moving,” Tsukishima suddenly said, cutting him off midsentence. Yamaguchi didn’t even register the words until he realized he had stopped walking and was staring at Tsukishima in confusion. His best friend wasn’t even looking at him, instead was staring straight ahead with a troubled expression on his face._

_“What?” Yamaguchi breathed, unsureness colouring his voice._

_The other turned, meeting his eyes briefly only to slide to a point past Yamaguchi’s shoulder. “I’m moving,” he repeated, firmly. “I…found a university that offered a lot more than the one we were going to. It was something I couldn’t really pass up so… My parents are helping me pack at home.” His voice tapered off at the end, an obvious ‘this is why I’ve been busy’ answer to Yamaguchi’s questions._

_Yamaguchi’s arm fell away from Tsukishima’s as he tried to process the words._

_Moving._

_Moving._

_Moving._

_He opened his mouth to say something encouraging, because he knew that was what Tsukishima expected first. But when he did, a strangled sound came out accompanied with pained words. “What about us?”_

_Surprised confusion flickered on Tsukishima’s face and Yamaguchi began to feel his walls start to crumble. “What_ about _us? I know we were planning on going to the same college but I told you that I was also applying to other places. Wasn’t your backup roommate Hinata?”_

_He spoke too casually, far too blasé that Yamaguchi couldn’t believe his ears. Tsukishima looked as though this was a conversation they had had before, as if they just…_

_No. It was Yamaguchi who was mistaken. Yamaguchi was the fool in this situation. Tears threatened to prick at the corner of his eyes when he realized that Tsukishima never even_ saw _them as an ‘us.’ Had he been wrong all along?_

 _“I meant-“ He started, trying to conceal with choked sound of his voice. Yamaguchi reached out to grip Tsukishima’s sleeve. “I meant_ us _,” he said, not wanting to sound desperate. “T-Tsukki, I thought…I thought we-“_

_Realization filled Tsukishima’s eyes as he quickly caught on to what Yamaguchi was trying to say and with a sharp movement, he pulled away, his sleeve escaping Yamaguchi’s grip. There was panic on his face, more emotion that he usually ever let show. Yamaguchi felt his chest tighten._

_“I- um, no. No, there was no we,” Tsukishima said, eyes on Yamaguchi’s face as he watched probably what was the undoing of Yamaguchi Tadashi. “Tadashi, you’re my_ best friend _. I expected you to be happy for me or something. Not…not,” he waved his hand vaguely in Yamaguchi’s general direction and that was when the first pang flared in his stomach, so painful that he had to clamp both hands over his mouth, effectively shocking the other. “Shit- are you okay?”_

 _Yamaguchi backed up, shaking his head fiercely as he stared at the boy who he had thought he’d devote his life to, only to learn that the other didn’t even_ think _the same way._

_“Yamaguchi, please, listen-“_

_“Tsukki,” he practically snarled, fed up and feeling lightheaded as he ripped his hands away from his mouth. “How_ dare _you mock my feelings all these years!”_

_Stunned and speechless, the tall boy simply straightened up at that, eyes wide behind glinting frames._

_“You don’t want to hear it but guess what, you will!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, trying so hard not to yell. “I love you!” Tsukishima’s eyes went dark. “I love you and I thought you at least liked me too! I let you hold me and hug me and all that crap and you couldn’t even tell me that you had at least been accepted into another school?! You couldn’t have told your_ best friend _that you were moving?”_

_He felt out of breath, like something was building up inside of his throat, trying to push its way out. Yamaguchi swallowed it down, angrily rubbing tears from his eyes. “When were you going to tell me? Never? Just decided to skip out of my life without saying anything, assuming that ‘college is where we part ways, he’ll get it?’ Tsukki, we signed for a dorm together months ago! I deserved to know months ago!”_

_Tsukishima turned his head, still looking down but he muttered something incomprehensible. Yamaguchi didn’t know if he wanted to know what it was. “Yamaguchi,” he said in a tired voice, but Yamaguchi didn’t want to hear it._

_“Shut up. No. No,” he said holding up a hand. “I’m upset. This is not how I wanted to tell you and this is not how I would’ve wanted you to tell me that you were leaving. You’re_ selfish _, Tsukki, did you know that?”_

_The words must’ve impacted the other deeply because he looked shaken, face pale as he stared at his best friend._

_“You’re selfish for thinking that I’ll just continue to go along with whatever you wanted with my ‘sorry tsukki’s’ and shit like that. Did it kill you to just maybe assume that I liked you, even a little? And to possibly consider that factor into whether or not you’d tell me you’re_ leaving _?”_

_The words kept flowing but Yamaguchi had to put a hard stop to them. Physically covering his mouth again to stop both the words and probably vomit, he turned away completely. He didn’t hear Tsukishima move as he started to walk away and his heart felt shattered when he realized that this was how it usually was._

_Tsukishima would always keep going, barely waiting for Yamaguchi to catch up while he raced behind him, trying to stay by his side. But when it was the other way around, Yamaguchi had no followers._

_He heard no voice calling him back, no sudden rush of footsteps of Tsukishima trying to catch him and apologize. Nothing when he turned the corner, nothing when he reached his house._

_It was only when he rushed into his bathroom, nauseous and woozy did he start dry heaving into the toilet. Shock filled him when white petals the colour of the moon fluttered into the bowl and he dropped his head as quiet sobs wracked his body._

\--------

Because life was obviously very kind to Yamaguchi, that meant Tsukishima came back the next day to pick up his cousin.

Yamaguchi withered slightly when he saw him through the daycare windows, pressing fingers to his temples as he turned away. “Ya-san,” Itsuki said, suddenly materializing in front of him and effectively giving the assistant a heart attack. “Ki-ni is coming again today,” he announced, as if Yamaguchi just _had_ to be reminded again.

“Yes, I can see that,” he said, gently patting the small boy’s head. “Your cousin must love you a lot to always pick you up.”

“Yup!” Itsuki crowed and Yamaguchi smiled. “He also said he wanted to see Ya-san so he told mommy that he’ll be the one picking me up from now on! Yaaaay!”

 _What_.

Itsuki was about to run back off to his friends when Yamaguchi did the unprofessional thing of grabbing his arm and making him stay. The child looked at him in surprised as Yamaguchi crouched down, panic on his face.

“Tsukki- I mean, Kei-ni said that?” He asked desperately because Tsukishima was _coming into the building right now_.

Bobbing his little head up and down in agreement, Itsuki smiled brightly. “Mommy asked why and he said that Ya-san was here and he missed him looottts!” Itsuki practically sang the word and using Yamaguchi’s frozen stature to his advantage, he wriggled out of his gripped and skipped to the cubbies where all the children were all getting their backpacks.

Tsukishima…missed him?

That should’ve been impossible. It was Yamaguchi who was the one that was missing him, even though he had said nasty words to his face all those years ago. It was Yamaguchi who was the one throwing up petals _even to this day_ just because he couldn’t get the thought of his first love out of his head. Tsukishima left _him_. So why was he missing Yamaguchi?

Scrambling to open the door to let the children out with to their parents, he tried to calm his breathing when he saw the familiar face of the older man now turning the corner. If he hadn’t been too paralyzed in shock yesterday, he would’ve noticed that Tsukishima looked _good_ now. Still with a slender frame, his face had thinned out and his jaw line was strikingly obvious. His eyes were still narrow and skeptical but they held much more confidence. His hair was swept to the side. Even his _stride_ was different.

Yamaguchi wondered if he even changed at all in Tsukishima’s eyes. Perhaps he still looked like the blushing, clumsy boy that apologized to anything and everything.

“Hey, Itsuki,” Tsukishima said when his little cousin came rushing out. Yamaguchi hovered in the doorway, trying to balance out smiling at the other parents while trying not to look panicked at hearing Tsukishima’s voice. As if on cue, the man looked up at him. “Hey, Yamaguchi.”

“H-Hey…” He said, cursing himself for sounding so hesitant. “Here again, huh?” He said, trying to come off as joking and definitely not in-the-know.

Of course, Itsuki with his endearingly childish mentality did not make it any easier for either of them. “Ki-ni! I told Ya-san that you were coming every day because you missed him!”

Red immediately bloomed on both their faces.

“I-Itsuki!” Tsukishima snapped as Yamaguchi looked away, biting his lip so harshly he almost broke skin. “Just…ignore this little brat’s words,” he said to Yamaguchi while Itsuki looked around proudly. “He says whatever comes to his mind and-“

“Yeah, no I get it,” Yamaguchi immediately cut him off, shooting him a tiny smile. Tsukishima look surprised but his expression settled into one of slight discomfort. “Kids say the darndest things.”

They were the only people left in the hallway and Itsuki was already getting restless. He tugged on his cousin’s sleeve. “You can see him again tomorrow Ki-ni! Let’s go! I’m hungry!”

Yamaguchi took that as his cue to go back into the room to finalize cleaning up and to just _get away_ from Tsukishima but the other man called out. “Yeah, yeah let’s go- oh, uh, Yamaguchi, do you wanna get food with us?”

Startled, he turned back to see Tsukishima looking at him with his signature stoic expression, yet there was something else in his eyes. Something else that made the pang in Yamaguchi’s chest more profound as his grip tightened on the handle. “No, that’s okay,” he said politely, watching the expression on Tsukishima’s face fall ever so slightly. _Why? Why is he like this?_ “I still have things to do here so I’m a bit busy even after class hours.”

“Oh, okay,” Tsukishima said, already being forced to turn around by Itsuki who was dragging him by the pant belt. “Um, shit- Itsuki hold on- When are you usually fr-“

“Kiiiiiiiiiiiiii-niiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

 _“Christ_ , okay, fine let’s go. Sorry, Yamaguchi, see you tomorrow,” Tsukishima said in a rush as his cousin all but yanked him out the door.

Yamaguchi watched with a lost expression, raising one hand in a small wave as Tsukishima left.

Immediately stepping into the room and slamming the door, he leaned against it, feeling his heart race suddenly at his palms sweat. He coughed into his hands, feeling the familiar sensation of flower petals fall out of his mouth whenever he thought about Tsukishima too hard but he didn’t take too much time to dwell on them. Throwing them quickly into the trash instead of bothering to save them, he pulled out his phone, quickly bringing up messages. Seeking out Hinata’s name, he texted desperately.

 **[To: Hinata]** !!! Hinata, I ran into Tsukki!!! What do I do?!!

 **[From: Hinata]** WOAH WOAH THIS IS NEW WAT HAPPENED

_Explanation of Circumstance_

**[From: Hinata]** ….jeezz……wat a wierdo….going off to disappear for like EVER and then coming back and using his cousin as his messenger!!!! COWARD!!

 **[To: Hinata]** I don’t think that’s what he was intending it’s just…idk! I still think abt him and now hes back! I think he was abt to ask me out to eat BUT IDK WHAT ID SAY BC I WAS SO MEAN TO HIM LAST TIME WE SPOKE

 **[From: Hinata]** ok ok ok chill yama chill. Hmmmmm…. Do it

 **[To: Hinata]** ?! do what?!

 **[From: Hinata]** go out wit him. see wat he wants! Maybe he just wants to talk n see how u are! Catch up with him or smthn

 **[To: Hinata]** Thats easier said than done seeing as im still throwing up petals

 **[From: Hinata]** o shit that’s still a thing?

 **[To: Hinata]** yup. Its annoying and now that hes here its worse

 **[From: Hinata]** damn weelllllllllll plan b.

 **[To: Hinata]** plan b?

\--------

 _Plan B_ was essentially to ‘make Tsukishima beg,’ as Hinata had put it. It was to make him realize that he had lost a good friend more than worthy of his time and that if he really did miss Yamaguchi and wanted him back into his life, he’d have to do more than some lame attempts at trying to talk to him while picking up his cousin.

In the moment, it seemed like a good plan, but in retrospect, Yamaguchi realized that it was really up to Tsukishima and what he wanted to do that would dictate how this ‘friendship’ would go. Maybe he wouldn’t do anything different at all and continue to only appear when picking Itsuki up, then disappearing once the little guy started higher grades. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure how he’d feel if Tsukishima left his life _twice_.

Hinata told him that he had to act cold, ‘just like how _he_ was in highschool! You gotta do the same back to him!’ It was to see if the other man would take any initiative into trying to get closer to Yamaguchi, or not at all. In a way, it made sense. Tsukishima had always been the aloof one before and it was Yamaguchi who tried his best to get past his defenses. And he had succeeded. Now, it was Yamaguchi’s turn to show the other that he wasn’t so easy and that if anything, he could most definitely stand up for himself and guarding his emotions.

When Tsukishima arrived again the next day to pick up Itsuki, Yamaguchi was ready.

“Hey Itsuki, Yamaguchi.”

“Hey, Tsukishima.”

The look of discomfort flickered across Tsukishima’s face once more but he said nothing. He ruffled his cousin’s hair. “How are you?” He asked, the question aimed at Yamaguchi.

“I’ve been better,” he answered, knowing that wasn’t the typical ‘small talk’ reply. His thoughts went back to the huge amount of petals that filled his toilet bowl the night before. Really, the petals meant unrequited love. He pretty much got the idea the _first time_ his heart ached, so why did heaving up petals have to be added into the mix?

As expected, Tsukishima raised a brow, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall of the hallway. _Wow, he really is here for the long haul,_ Yamaguchi thought warily. “Oh? What’s up? Is work stressful? I know I’d go insane if I had to deal with fifteen of these little demons,” he said, eyeing his cousin who was playing with some toys he had dug up from his backpack on the windowsill.

“The kids are amazing,” he said bluntly not wanting to hear any badmouthing. Sure, dealing with snot, tears, throw-up and diapers weren’t the highlight of his day but everything else was. He loved the kids and the kids loved him – there was nothing else he needed to motivate him to work hard. “Itsuki is a really fun boy,” he said fondly.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima said, already looking a bit guilty at having insulted Yamaguchi’s job. “He’s a good kid. How do you like working here?”

Yamaguchi could practically hear Hinata in his ear screaming ‘HE KEEPS TRYING TO TURN THE CONVERSATION TO YOU!!! WARD HIM OFF, WARD HIM OOOFFF!’

Imaginary-Hinata was practically as loud as the real one.

“It’s great, I enjoy it. How’s your-“

“I figured you would,” Tsukishima said suddenly, that familiar ghost of a smile lighting on his face. “You’ve always had good people skills. Better than I did.”

Yamaguchi frowned slightly, narrowing his eyes. He sighed. “Tsukishima-“

“What happened to ‘Tsukki’?”

He paused. What happened to ‘Tsukki’? ‘Tsukki’ was tucked away in the dark crevices of his memories, buried underneath hurt, abandonment and regret that Yamaguchi didn’t even want to think about. He gave him an awkward smile. “Aren’t we too old for nicknames like that anymore?”

Tsukishima let out what barely sounded like a ‘tch’ “I guess. It’s weird hearing you say the full name.”

“Haha…why, are you asking me to use ‘Tsukki’ again?”

Almost as if he had hit a switch, the taller man stared at him when he said the old nickname. Something fierce was hiding behind those rigid eyes, something that Yamaguchi was terrified of discovering. “Yeah,” Tsukishima said. “I guess I am.”

Yamaguchi looked at him, nervousness and confusion bubbling in his veins. This was not at all what he and Hinata planned. It wasn’t like Tsukishima was trying to earn his way back into Yamaguchi’s thoughts. He was forcibly shoving his hand into his back memories and dragging back out all the things he had suppressed for so long. Yamaguchi felt raw and exposed, and all Tsukishima had asked him to do was use a nickname.

“A-Alright then.” Yamaguchi said, trying to brush it off casually but he couldn’t hide the burning feeling he felt at the base of his neck. “Well, it’s nice to see you again Tsukki, I hope you two have a good afternoon!” He turned away quickly, intent on acting on the part of the plan which was ‘don’t talk for too long. Leave him wanting more!’

But when a small body collided with his own, making him stumble against the door, he looked down in surprise at Itsuki who was looking up at him with huge eyes and an incredibly impressive puppy dog expression. “Ya-san! Can you eat with us today! I want you to come!!!”

Yamaguchi blinked, unsure of what to say. “I- what-“

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeassssssssseeeeeeee? Ki-ni is no fun to talk to when we eat!”

The assistant looked up at Tsukishima who was simply looking at his cousin with what was… _supposedly_ a ‘you darn kid, badmouthing me!’ expression. But Yamaguchi knew him well enough that he could tell in an instant that the entire thing was planned. Letting out another sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Tsukki-“

“It’s not me,” the blond man said immediately, making Yamaguchi want to roll his eyes. As if on cue, Itsuki tightened his grip around his waist.

“It’s me! I want you to come! Me me me me! Please Ya-san! We’ll wait for you to get off work and we’ll drive you so don’t worry! Pleeeasssee?!”

Clearly obvious that Tsukishima must’ve taught Itsuki exactly what to say, Yamaguchi couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking his head. “Alright. Fine. Let me just close up and sign out,” he said, ruffling Itsuki’s hair. As the boy screamed hooray and finally released him, Yamaguchi opened the door, shooting a careful look at Tsukishima over his shoulder. “I’m going because Itsuki asked me to,” he said.

Tsukishima shrugged, cool and collected. “He has an uncanny ability of getting what he wants,” was all he said.

 _Liar_ , Yamaguchi thought as he walked back into the room, heading for his stuff. He ignored how he thought up the word fondly. _You were always the one getting me to follow you._

\---------

Lunch turned into a second lunch. The second lunch turned into a third. The fourth lunch turned into routine and by the time a week and a half had passed, it had become normal for Tsukishima and Itsuki to wait around until Yamaguchi was completely closed up, then taking him out for lunch at some fast food place or café.

Yamaguchi couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the lunches. He enjoyed seeing Itsuki’s bright personality outside of the daycare room and his interactions with Tsukishima. He _definitely_ enjoyed seeing Tsukishima, although that was probably something he wouldn’t admit out loud to anyone but Hinata. The petals were coming again nonstop, much like four years ago, but Yamaguchi ignored them. He knew where he stood in life and it felt like in his quiet way, Tsukishima had forgiven him for yelling all those cruel words. Yamaguchi was just wondering at what point during these lunch outings had he forgiven Tsukishima in return.

On a day that Itsuki was absent from daycare, he was surprised yet not surprised to see Tsukishima still walking over to the room. It was Autumn and he tightened the scarf around his neck, already ready to walk out.

“Oh?” He said, although he couldn’t stop the way he felt like he visibly brightened just from seeing Tsukishima. “But Itsuki wasn’t here today.”

“No, he’s at home with a cold,” Tsukishima explained, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Yamaguchi adjusted the strap of his backpack. “I hope he gets better. What are you doing here, then?”

The man snorted. “You make it sound like it’s a crime to get you for lunch.”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Yamaguchi tried not to seem to thrilled at the aspect of Tsukishima still wanting to get lunch with him even without Itsuki. “I thought it was a three-of-us thing,” he said softly, although they were already making their way out of the daycare.

“Could be. Is something wrong if it’s just the two of us?”

“Well, no-“

“I wanted to talk to you about something anyway,” Tsukishima suddenly said, stopping by his car.

Yamaguchi felt panic pulse down his veins. What did he want to talk about? He wasn’t even given the time to agonize over the possibilities before Tsukishima started talking again, headfirst into the problem that was apparently on his hands.

“I wanted to say sorry for not telling you that I was moving, years ago.”

Frozen in place in the chilly air, Yamaguchi didn’t know which was colder. His nerves or the wind. “Tsukki, it’s okay-“

“No,” the man continued on, a distressed expression on his face. “It’s not. You were right back then and I was just being stupid. You deserved to know and…and you deserved a whole lot more than me telling you last minute.” He finished the sentence lamely, sounding like he had more to say than just that.

Yamaguchi looked down, shifting his feet. “It doesn’t matter anymore, you know. That was so long ago. I’ve forgiven you.”

“Yeah but that still doesn’t make me feel any better,” Tsukishima said and Yamaguchi looked up with a slight frown. The taller man pulled his hands out from his pocket and Yamaguchi’s breath caught in his throat when he saw familiar silver petals, tiny against Tsukishima’s huge palms.

“T-Those…”

“Itsuki said he found them in the trashcan and he told me you liked flowers like these. But I know you, Yamaguchi. You can’t plant for shit. So I was wondering…”

“They’re for a craft,” he said immediately, panic thrumming through his veins. “I’m making something and I needed petals like that. I-I have a baggie of them in my backpack in fact. I probably didn’t notice when I threw those out.” _Think quick! Act casual! You can’t let him know!_

Tsukishima still looked at the petals, troubled. “Right. I kind of want to call you out on your bull-“

“Tsukki! I’m telling the truth!”

Narrow eyes zeroed in on him. “These are mine.”

“W-What?”

Tsukishima took a step closer, holding out his hand so Yamaguchi could see them closer. They looked the exact same as the ones that he had thrown up repeatedly, yet fresher, recent. Only one faded and limp petal was amidst them all. Confusion filled him as he took a step back, his foot hitting the curb. “T-Tsukki, what are-“

“These are my petals. And that one is yours.” He pointed at the limp one in the middle.

“You’re kidding me,” Yamaguchi said in a voice just above a whisper. “You’re literally just messing with me, Tsukki, I already told you once to not mock-“

A hand shot out to stop him from falling backwards because Yamaguchi was steadily traveling back as Tsukishima got closer. A firm grip held him by the shoulders. “Not to mock your feelings. I’m not. And I’m so sorry for having done that before. Yamaguchi, you don’t know how much I regret not telling you I was leaving sooner.”

Nothing was tying together, _nothing made sense_ , and Yamaguchi could only stare at the face before him in confusion. “What are you _talking_ about?!”

“I was in love with you too, stupid!” Tsukishima said harshly, tossing the petals onto the pavement so he could grip both of Yamaguchi’s shoulders. “I was so in love with you that I couldn’t bear to tell you that I was moving! And when I did I realized that it was the completely wrong time to do it.”

Yamaguchi felt winded, absolutely lightheaded. _Tsukki…loved me? When? How?_

“You stopped talking to me for the rest of the school year and every fucking day I’d come home and spit up these stupid things. My brother told me that meant an unrequited love and I felt like _shit_ because that must’ve meant you had stopped loving me.”

_No, you’re wrong._

“College was hell, work was hell, home was hell because I was surrounded by these flowers that look like stars and they always reminded me of you, damnit! So I’m _sorry_ , Yamaguchi.”

Completely speechless and with eyes blown wide, Yamaguchi could only stare with his mouth gaping open at the man who was known for keeping all his emotions quiet letting them burst out in a barrage of words. Unsure even of what to do, he straightened up, worrying his bottom lip. “Tsukki…” He started, intent on trying to get this conversation to go about rationally.

“But Yamaguchi, that was your petal. Which means you’ve been dealing with it too.”

…

 “Damnit.”

“What?”

“I said _damnit_ , damnit!” Yamaguchi shouted, grabbing the hands on his shoulders and yanking them off but not letting them go. “Damnit, Tsukki, barging into my life and telling me all this now!” He felt the tears begin to fall. “Do you know how pathetic I felt? Feeling so attached to someone who I thought clearly rejected me so many years ago?” He squeezed the hands in his. “When I thought you had completely forgotten about me? I felt hopeless!”

The hands pulled themselves out from his grip, only to reappear around his shoulders as Tsukki pulled him close. Yamaguchi was torn between pounding his fists against his chest in aggravation and clutching him tight.

“I was the same way,” Tsukishima said into his ear, his warmth surrounding him completely. “I felt exactly the same. I thought I was going crazy and when I learned that you were working here, hell, I had to come back.”

Yamaguchi shuddered to hold back pathetic sobs.

“Can we redo this?” Tsukishima asked pleadingly, squeezing the man in his arms. “Can we try again? You said you loved me once, do you still now?”

The question was one that Yamaguchi knew he should’ve hesitated to answer, to take his time thinking about it before telling Tsukishima his feelings, but he couldn’t help it. He nodded frantically into the warm sweater his face was pressed into, smiling when he felt a sigh of relief rip through Tsukishima’s tense body.

“Thank god,” he murmured, pressing his face into the top of Yamaguchi’s head. They had shared a hug like this, once before in highschool. When Yamaguchi was sure that Tsukishima had liked him back. “I’m sorry. I’ll be better this time.”

Yamaguchi nestled his face deeper into the sweater, his arms coming up to wrap around Tsukishima in return. “We’ll both be.”

\---------

When the flowers stopped, that meant the scent stopped. That meant the children asked questions.

“Did you run out of perfume, Yamaguchi-san?” One of his girls asked him one day during daycare. She was propped in his lap as he read her a story and at the question, he paused to physically sniff himself. Since he was so used to knowing that he smelled like flowers, he had never bothered to put on another scent on top of that. Now, however, wearing one of Tsukishima’s shirts (quite boldly) into work, he supposed he didn’t smell like he used to.

“Oh…I did,” he said, feigning sadness. “I’ll have to buy some more next time.”

She nodded, approving of this action before sliding off of his lap to go play by the toys. Replacing her presence was Itsuki who simply wrinkled his nose. “You smell like Ki-ni.”

_Shit._

“Are you wearing his shirt, Ya-san?”

_Uh._

“Um…yeah, I got in an accident and needed some clothes…your cousin let me borrow some,” he said with an awkward chuckle.

Immediately, Itsuki brightened up. “Oh I see! Ki-ni is really really really nice,” he said with a serious expression. “Make sure to give the shirt back to him okayyy?”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said warmly, watching him wander off.

Watching the clock until it ticked down to the last minute, he finished his routine of herding children here and there, ushering them to his parents before he and Itsuki took their time grabbing their things. As they stepped out of the classroom together, they both smiled at a familiar face waiting for them in the hallway.

“Ki-niiiiiiiii!” Itsuki cried, launching himself at the taller man. Tsukishima caught him with ease, hefting him onto his hip as he freed up another hand which was then extended towards Yamaguchi.

Lacing their fingers together, the assistant flushed when a kiss was pressed against his ear. He blushed even harder when he heard Itsuki’s telltale “eeeeeeeeeeewwww!”

Without any guilt or embarrassment on his face, Tsukishima smiled down at him. A smile so full of affection that Yamaguchi couldn’t help but smile back.

“You guys ready for lunch?”

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
